a crappy good life

A few days ago I posted this as my facebook status:

“Life is too magnificent for words.”

And then, less than a day later I found some perfectly descriptive words for Life, and they weren’t synonymous with magnificent.

KELIS-MAD-BLACK-WOMAN1

It was a good moment to remember the journey:

To accept the giddiness with the crap on your shoe (yes literally).

The moments of PMS and the extra reason for a salted dark chocolate high (honestly, if you haven’t yet tasted this, you haven’t fully lived).

The parenting exhaustion (mental and physical) magnified by the annoying friend or colleague or client and grocery store clerk. (Really, it wasn’t about them, I was already annoyed and just needed someone to project that onto, sorry.)

Just as there is always something to complain about, there is always ALWAYS something to feel grateful for. So instead of beating myself up about feeling frustrated about the crap, the sick child or the mental exhaustion, why not allow in some compassion and stop trying to change everything? Just be where I am. Even if where I am is:

  • Feeling lonely and DESPISE sleeping alone
  • Feeling slimmer, yet I can’t look at myself without criticizing SOMETHING
  • Taking major risks in being authentic and have FAILED. Miserably.

Usually my pattern is to take each of those instances and replay them over and over until I recreated a memory so much more terrible and unrealistic than what actually occurred that I will then attempt to avoid the memory altogether and fantasy about a future me that will never feel lonely, or ugly or a failure. I get that we all do what we pick up from our enviroment and perhaps this method serves some folks, but its certainly lost its luster for me. Looks pretty grey and down-right depressing actually.

Soooo ready to choose again.

One of the books I’m reading right now is The Serpent of the Light by Drunvalo Melchizedek. This book has my spiritual notions all up in a back-end twist. His description of human relationship to the Planet and the ever rising consciousness of both goes beyond anything I could conceptualize before. What I’m hearing from this book is that you cannot fail. It’s not possible for the world to implode. There is a conscious Intelligence, whose complexity is beyond our most advance super computers. And that the truth that ‘all is well’ can be found in Nature. Nothing ever happens in nature that is terrible. Really, think about it. Yes things “die” but then they give birth to other things. The storms, the earthquakes, the meteorite explosions. All of it happens to expand conscious awareness of Life to Itself.

In the video I link to above, Melchizedek talks about the shift from duality frameworks Good-Bad, Male-Female, Up-Down — that human beings are obsessed with — into a new paradigm of Oneness. A recognition of our interconnectedness to all other things. There’s a lot he speaks and writes of that goes completely over my head. I’ll be the first to admit it! And that’s ok, since I’m not attached to understanding it all intellectually right now. What I can take from it is a reason to feel a little more peaceful now. I can trust that the Earth is alive and doesn’t need saving from us. That there are systems, processes and connections in place right now to bring us back to balance. And the same exists for me. As I deal with my own self-infected pain and suffering.

Peace is available now because Peace is the destination and there’s no other place to go.

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