Manifesting. You in?

WhatAreYouManifesting

Life is pretty incredible when you think about it.

You’re breathing.

Thousands of electrical and web-based services are aligning perfecting in order for you to see and read these words.

The sun is shining. You may not see it from where you are, but it is. Always.

And the thoughts you had last week, or last year are probably showing up as form for you today. Hmmmm…maybe I’ll keep this post first-person and say they are for me.

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My journey with manifesting, transforming thought energy into form, has been incredible. There are lots of folks out there with various definitions and processes and many have influenced my experience, but I’m careful not to take any One description over my own experience. This shit is the definition of subjective.

I choose to experience manifestation as a partnership with my guardian angels, higher (more evolved) Self(s) and sweet infusion of power that is the ether of the Universe. My life here on Plaent Earth, is simply a collaborative art project we’re creating together, but which I have the delight in orchestrating.

I get to manifest colds, happy days, wealth, walks in the park, poverty, cramps, orgasms, poetry, and millions of other experiences, behaviors and states of being. Outside of my life I contribute to the energetic states of others and what they are manifesting based solely on their agreement or disagreement with what I’m putting into their mind. For example, I have a pretty strong minded six-year-old son. Sometime, however, he does believe what I tell him about himself. For example, one day I tell him he is so messy. Over the course of the next few weeks he starts to believe it and makes more unapologetic mess. And after complaining about it, reminds me that I was the one that told him he was messy.

Right.

This is what manifestation looks like in my life, even within my own head. I used to have have an internal story in my mind (well ok, it still plays from time to time) that I was fat. No matter what the evidence told me, I knew my thighs were too wide, but belly too bouncy and my butt too …well actually I was ok with having a large arse.

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At my heaviest I weighed 175. Some would say that’s not so bad for an active woman in her thirties. But I was ashamed by it. Embarrassed. Frustrated. Slightly angry at my seemingly inability to not…buy…the…damn…gummies….again.

Whenever I focused on losing weight, I gained more. I tried dieting and expanded. I tried new workout routine (although I confess was never 100% committed) which failed. I tried just cutting out junk food, which didn’t last past my next menstrual cycle. So I went back to what works for me: writing.

I journaled for a few months exploring the reason why I held on to this weight. Why was I manifesting heaviness? How did the pounds serve me? Was I protecting myself from the outside world in some way? If so, what was I afraid of?

This exploration paid off. Once I found the core reason for why I was manifesting weight (for protection) and told myself I’m ready to let that go, it began to dissolve. Of course, not overnight…but within a few months I was 20 pounds lighter, without a simple change to diet or exercise.

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I share this story because manifesting is a gift. If we believe in the premise that we are creating our lives, then we have to accept that we created all of it. No that wasn’t easy to hear when I was diagnosed with epilepsy at 23. But it was empowering to utilize when I healed myself at 25 (seizure free since!).

Manifesting is an invitation to really explore what it is we think about our worth, our experience of balance in joy and in uncomfortable growth. I remember when nearly every area of my life felt like it was breaking down: my relationships, my finances, my profession (or lack thereof at that time), my sense of self. Yet there was one place I felt strong, in my ability to parent. And knowing that I felt strong and capable in that helped me to realign and trust myself (and my angel team) to rebuild my life.

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Today my life is incredible.

I have an awesome partner who adores me. Cucumbers growing in my garden. Delightful spaces to be vulnerable with those close to me. A gorgeous home with nourishing crystals. Financial security I only imagined was possible a few years ago. A deepening sense of awe for my self and this beautiful journey. And a break-dance loving little boy who delights in reminding me how to play.

Now it’s you’re turn. Tag! What are you manifesting today?

Wake-up! Chocolate. Rainbows?

Transition.

A friend reminded me recently that there is no such thing as death.

We are born in to this physical life. Change form. And rebirth into a new ….

…does it really matter?

Do we need to know exactly what happens after we croak in order to make the most of being and breathing now?

In the span of 24 hours one of my beloved spiritual and political mentors, Nelson Mandela, and my great uncle passed on from this side of the veil into the unknowable (at least for me). This is significant because these two men represent a generation that is completing their cycle on the wheel of this Life. I interpret this as an invitation for me in particular, and my generation in general, to wake up, step up and rise up.

Wake up!

exhaustionThe week before Thanksgiving I had a slight mental breakdown. Looking back I am extremely grateful for it. But at the time I was really questioning my grip on reality. I was overworking myself, 50-60 hour weeks all through November. Completely addicted to coffee and chocolate to keep me going. Swamped in my commitment to a string of projects getting completed on schedule I sacrificed sleep, my meditation practice and my relationships to prove that I could do what I said I would do. It wasn’t until my son brought home from pre-school a drawing of me at my computer and him with a sad face that I really got the message that I was over doing it. After a last 40 hour work binge over two days I turned off the laptop, cried and went to sleep.

When I woke up the next morning I realized if I don’t get control of this pleasing mentality that had me addicted to over-working I was seriously going to hurt myself beyond repair. I had to wake-up from the illusion that my life was about working hard until I die. While I feel grateful to have a job that I enjoy, I’m feeling more and more resentful that it is taking over my life. And I can’t be angry at anyone but myself for allowing that to be the case.

But there is a deeper waking up that is taking place here. That rising is more spiritual than professional. A collective awakening that is questioning the current economic and social systems that keep the masses over-worked, over-medicated, and over-entertained in order to keep us from realizing that we’ve made it all up. One film illustrated this awakening in a captivating way…

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And while I feel no need to pick up a machine gun and start shootin up some agents, I do feel a very real calling to “unplug.” I’m realizing that pouring my energy into anyone else’s dream is inauthentic. In essence that is what working for anyone else is. And sure for while it may be glorious and inspiring to contribute to manifesting their idea. But at the end of the day, it’s still their idea for what the world needs. When will I take time to manifest my own? When will I trust what I have to offer is more valuable than my pleasing of someone else’s idea of me? When will I let go of the fear to really create a life I love?

Step up!

I’m engaged with a number of conversations this week around authenticity. The idea that being exactly who you are is completely ok. More than ok, it is required. The world needs more people to be who they want to be AND it requires that I stop judging others for being who I want them to be.Yet this judgement continues. Particularly of myself.

A simple example: I love chocolate. But my body does not. Every time I have it, my skin breaks out in these oily, painful bumps. My tummy rumbles and aches for hours. My blood pressure heightens and I get headaches.  All of this I’ve lived with most of my life, because the experience of chocolate while in my mouth is so enticingly delicious that I ignore the repercussions. I am addicted to the idea that chocolate is good, when the evidence says (at least for me) that it actually is not. And I can’t stand this dissonance so I get angry, depressed, feel lousy that I’m failing at my self-love practice and go buy myself another bar of Salazon salted dark chocolate. Oy.

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This summer I successfully omitted chocolate from my diet for about 6 weeks. It was hell. And it was bliss. I’m reminded of the memory of how much better my body feels when I don’t have it, and how the most difficult part was releasing the idea that it would make me feel better. I had to step-up and realize the underlying reason I ate so much chocolate was to:

  1. stimulate myself – usually to stay attentive to work, laundry or something else I detest doing and
  2. distract myself from the hurt or pain or confusion I feel about some current life challenge.

When I took the chocolate away it was like taking a shield down. I was vulnerable to life in new ways. And the beautiful thing about vulnerability as Brene Brown says is that it awakens you to the space of creativity. Not only did my body feel better, it began to sense more. Life without the highs and lows of stimulants pulsated in a stronger stable way. Things like trees, the ocean, my sons eyes seemed more vivid, more potent, more alive. And I felt more alive simply by becoming aware of this. In that space I began to sense my own creativity and my own inherent desire to innovate, merge, combine. Alchemy became possible. I was transforming the grit and dust of life into gold.

And then I had a vegan caramel almond chocolate bar…<pleasurable sigh>

No judgement. I’m thankful to observe myself in this way. Thankful to recognize the signs that when I have a chocolate craving, it’s usually an indication that I’m out of alignment with who I say I am. And regardless of whether or not I choose to eat it, I still need to deal with the issue that is causing the craving. Stepping-up is a self-love commitment. To behave in ways that serve my highest good. To choose to be with the pain, disappointment and judgement and somehow weave compassion and forgiveness around what hurts. A dear friend of mine did that in the form of a song as she was healing herself. Perhaps it will inspire you to step-up in your own way too.

Rise up!

If you read my post about Madiba, then you have a sense of how this man has inspired my life path, in creating spaces for meaningful reconciliation and  for truth telling of who we really are. These are the spaces I feel most alive. I celebrate and honor this divine being who came in the form on Madiba to show humanity that within each of us, was the same Source of Christ Consciousness. The greatness that exists in any of those we idolize exists within your heart too. As does our most terrible fears. Yet we can choose. And the story of Madiba’s life is so inspiring because he chose. He chose forgiveness of his prison guards. He is not exceptional in his ability to choose. You have that same capacity. I do as well. And yes we forget. Until we remember again. And death (or rebirth) is one sure way all of us will remember.

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I cam across this song on Friday as I was taking another tearful moment from work thinking about how Madiba’s transition at this time in human history is so significant. I’m so deeply thankful for his legacy and for all the individuals who in this moment right now, are honoring him and celebrating the standard he helped raise us to. As Madiba rises, so too we rise. His ability to see a rainbow, despite a world telling him that everything was black and white, was his Wake-up/Step-up/Rise-up journey.

What is yours?

you become your practice

My peace practice is sacred time for me. And today I was thinking about why that is. Why is it important to practice peace, everyday? Where does the desire to be more peaceful come from? How come it so damn hard sometimes to continue the peacefulness of this time throughout the day?

So this post is about that second question: where does this desire for peace come from?

Here are some thoughts…

Human beings extract experience from more than their 5 physical senses (taste, touch, smell, sight & hearing). The limited physical senses were not meant to define how life is perceived. They cannot begin to, as our experience completely  debunks their relevance in most matters of importance. Experiences of joy, hatred, or love cannot be measured by the the 5 senses not using the scientific method as we have defined it today. Yet of course there is a role for the 5 senses. We can know the birth mortality rate of children in northern Canada or the height of the tallest trees on the planet or the square root of pi. Yet what do these measurements and analysis tell us about our experience of being human? In the midst of learning from others: scientists, theologians, philosophers, social behavior specialists, astronauts, spiritual teachers, mothers, elders and children I’ve come to the conclusion that no one’s  explanation is more valid or more likely than my own experience. My own choice.

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I choose my own beliefs.

And so I have cultivated space in my mind for exploring my physical (and beyond) world with technologies (practices, rituals, processes) beyond the 5 senses. I have created a practice, what I call my peace practice, to establish behavior that opens up receptivity to those technologies and creates safe, regular time to practice. To try them on and compare with previous experience how it feels.

And that is another key element: Feeling. I realize that I’ve had to put some major trust in my feelings and learn how to be guided by them instead of confused and overwhelmed by them. Now I welcome the complexity of emotions (well, most of the time) and no longer run towards something to numb myself away from intense emotional experience (if I’m honest fast food, alcohol, sex, partying, or marathons of Downtown Abbey are ingested most of the time only to shield me from paying attention to what’s emotional going on in my life –thankfully that is shifting!).

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Unlike the scientific method, I am coming into this with no premise about how all this works. Just a gut feeling that there is something else going on here and its time to give it the attention it deserves. It is time to open and be receptive to what else I could be doing here, instead of consuming, as our society would have me believe. I believe there is more. I believe, based solely on my experience, that there is a sacredness back of all things, just as it exists within me. The time I give to my peace practice represents the value of that sacredness in my life.

This is why I practice peace.

especially good for Mondays….

Be Happy!

Be Happy!

I’m going to be happy.

I’m going to skip.
I’m going to be glad.
I’m going to smile a lot.

I’m going to be easy.

I’m going to count my blessings.
I’m going to look for reasons to feel good.
I’m going to dig up positive things from the past.
I’m going to look for positive things where I stand.
I’m going to look for positive things in the future.

It is my natural state to be a happy person.

It’s natural for me to love and to laugh.
This is what is most natural for me.

I am a happy person!

Try speaking this aloud three times as you’re moving through your Monday. I guarantee you’ll feel better!

Matrix, Abraham-Hicks & Conciousness

I promised a friend a few months ago I would send her a list of some of my favorite spiritual books. I’ve resisted the request and only recently asked myself why. The honest response was another question, which didn’t help clarify the underlying reasons. Don’t you hate it when logical requests are undermined by your own thinking? So I’m writing this post as an explanation of my tardiness and including some of the resources that have been transformative in my journey.

Why do I have to be this spiritual?

I started this blog as a way to share some of the small moments of peace that arise in my life, wanting to expand the definition of what peace was about, beyond the absence of conflict. As I  experience peace as balance, calm, serenity, gratitude and contentment, I am constantly reminded of how fleeting these moments are. My journey continues to be a roller coaster ride of dips and hills, highs and lows, moments ‘in the vortex‘ and many more spent out of balance, riding the trains of dis-ease and fear. But even in the lowest of lows while I excavate the ancient caves of my own conciousness, there is always this annoying small voice that reminds me that I’m making this all up. All the meaning is meaningless, as all experience is reduced only to choice. Remember that scene in Matrix, when Smith asks Neo why he keeps fighting?

This scene is the most profound in the entire trilogy. Most people don’t think about why they live life as they do, relying on others to make decisions for them about philosophy, social behavior, political and economic persuasions. I too float along these currents based on the cultural views I was born into or resonated with over time. However, unlike most people I’ve interacted with in my 3 decades on this planet, that annoying whisper reminds me that at the heart of every decision was a choice. Which means every behavior is calculated reaction based on a value system I agreed to. In this way my spiritual journey has become a constant process of  self-examination. A huge microscope into my internal decision-making. It’s freakin’ exhausting sometimes. And other times it’s simply awe-inspiring.

So now I realize why I hesitated, because folks should know what they’re getting themselves into if they begin this journey. It can be challenging and lonely, because once you break through the illusion that life is about consumerism and pleasuring the body in order to create a tiny circle of control over your life …. outwards experiences pale in comparison to the grandeur of the intersection of mind and spirit.

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When I healed myself of epilepsy, I made a promise to pay attention. To stay attentive to the why. To will myself to continue the exploration. And it also means trusting that others will cross paths with me to mature that understanding with perfectly timed opportunity for practice. So this is what the day holds, another chance to choose.

…maybe this time I’ll choose something a little more aligned with peace.

What will you choose?