healing to worthiness

A writer friend recently asked me what was the genre of the book I’m working on and as I began to explain he offered a summarizing statement of “ohhhh, sounds like a self-help thing.”

Immediately I felt some irritation with his response, as if in the hierarchy of literature categorization self-help sinks near the very bottom somewhere between gossip columns and comics. Writing that somehow isn’t serious.

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After reflecting about this days later I wish I would have said, “well I don’t really resonate with the term self-help as that doesn’t reflect the immense diversity or deep potential in human evolution this genre has explored over the past 30+ years. I think something akin to the ‘exploration of quantum spirituality, human consciousness and transformation’ may be closer to the dynamics of self-guided change that this category of literature attempts to examine.”

But alas in that moment I laughed and shrugged off his words, inwardly hoping ‘it’ might be more than a ‘thing.’

Situations like this give me pause about my writing. No, they give me pause about my worthiness to write until I examine why I feel hesitant to contribute my talent in this area. (Check out this awesome video of Brene Brown and Oprah on worthiness.) I remind myself that I understand why the self-help genre receives this reaction from most folks. Many Americans are uncomfortable with the idea that they are responsible for their life and that they are the best experts about their inward journey. Our society loves to belittle us about our innate ability to trust ourselves and our experience. We assume babies don’t comprehend the world around them, that animals don’t have souls or trees consciousness and most adults cannot be responsible for their managing their own physical well-being. Why is this? Where did these beliefs come from? Who benefits from this paradigm?

The human transformation movement, also referred to as the New Age or New Thought movement, isn’t about ‘helping’ people. I don’t even believe that it’s about helping people help themselves. It’s about shifting the way all of us perceive, interact and engage with the world beyond a physical and mental duality paradigm. It’s pretty evident that our current ways of human interaction based on competition, greed, and fear have created a world that reflects these beliefs the majority has about the nature of humanity. This movement and its corresponding literature presents evidence, shares mental and spiritual technologies and describes personal stories of individuals who have transcended these old models of behavior/thinking and literally downloaded a new operating system.

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My book about self healing is in essence a book about self-transformation. About the very real and very challenging work of integrating a new way of behavior based on abundance, trust, compassion and love. In a world that continues to be dominated by so much violence, blame and anger I find that healing this mental virus is the most important work there is to do. More important than my job, more important than my parenting, more important than consuming endless amounts of stuff. Yes I continue to work, mother and buy AND I recognize that they are not the primary reason for me being on the planet.

And so I have to trust my worthiness to write my story of healing, 1) because it’s part of my healing journey and 2) because the world needs this voice. Just as it needs to hear everyone wake up and be a contribution to benefit all the entities who share this planet. I trust we’ll get there, because the SHIFT has already begun. Awakening to our worthiness and responsibility is just one page of the story.


If you’re interested in going deeper on this topic I would recommend…

Any of the free films listed on this page generally about human consciousness transformation.

Any of the organizations listed here:

Science of Mind

Humanity’s Team

The Shift Network

and a personal favorite…

Agape International Spiritual Center


Breathe Golden Air

I often begin trainings or dialogues with an acknowledgement that this gathering of individuals is perfectly unique. It will never happen again exactly as it is taking place right now in this moment. Similarly, everyday you wake up is a new experience that displays to the world who you believe yourself to be. I catch myself throughout the day having to take a pause and recognize that this moment will never repeat itself exactly as it is happening now. I used to feel sadness or a strong desire to capture the moment in a vain attempt to extend the feeling/experience of it.

Now I attempt to live and BE in that moment, with awe and celebration for this gift called life. Whether it’s as I mix blueberry pancake batter with my three-year-old, smile at the way the sky has painted a sunrise or doing a little dance to Gangnem Style as I wait for my Chinese take-out.

I heard a song that was so beautiful as I connected with my spiritual community 3000 miles away. Yet listening to it in real time is always so much more powerful than listening after. I think it’s tied to this idea of BEING in the moment. Not watching it after the fact or reflecting upon it in the past. Being with all the other 600+ individual watching online and the hundreds gathering physically in the space allows for an extra special experience of ALIVENESS. The gift is that this is always available. We just have to turn our attention to it. To recognize that the breath you are taking is the breath of the Divine.

Breathe into that idea and allow the exhale to share it’s peace with you.

Revealing Bliss

Have you ever experienced coming home from an authentic spiritual high? An experience so magnificent and transformative, that you simply feel like a different person upon re-entering your own house? So much so that you barely recognize yourself, the positive thoughts, the whispers of creative pursuits floating into your awareness? Last week, when I returned back to “my life” from a five-day spiritual retreat in Los Angeles, this was how I was feeling. More than once folks from work commented on how I looked different. And at home, the peace to deal with my rambunctious three-year-old seemed undisturbed. It is the beautiful “after-GLOW” of inner transformation. And as one of my spiritual teachers describes, an experience of the natural abundance of beauty, joy and peace often misunderstood by our modern human mind who will struggle with the idea of a life absent of complaints. So the experience also encapsulates the experience of an “after-GROW” – the time of reconciliation between what one’s heart longs to be and what the mind will agree to grow into.

While the experience of a strong spiritual high resulting in an after-GLOW and after-GROW isn’t new, it hasn’t been to this depth before. And usually within a few days of returning back to my routine I’ll incorporate a handful of new ideas/beliefs into my life, but most will remain the same. This time, life is different, because I am different. It reminds me of my first experience of love at first sight.

I was 16, at a student leader conference, watching a student written theater-production. As I was sitting near the front, the lead character locked eyes with me  during a moment of pause in his lines and for that second there was no sound. I held my breath, not because of the dramatic pause, or even because he was FINE, but there was an attraction so powerful that clearly confirmed I am meant to be known by him and he was meant to be known by me. Or perhaps on a meta-physical level, the souls that breathe us were reconciled with one another in that moment and desired another opportunity to do it again because it was so sweet!

The reason we were attracted to each other so strongly matters less than the fact that for the following 14 months we had a glorious love-affair (as my 16-year-old perspective would label it) and while I was super clear I wasn’t meant to be with this boy forever, the experience of love and the growth I gained from our relationship will always be one of the great gifts of my life.

That moment of being ‘lifted’ in love was close to the feeling I had at this retreat. And the resulting experience of glowing happiness and growing challenges of a romantic relationship are similar to my current feelings of the after-GLOW and after-GROW. It’s all part of the larger experience of love, that some would even describe as bliss. Those beautiful moments when we peak into the windows of our soul or those of another, that reveal a bit of the inner radiance of our true selves. What a magnificent thought that a spiritual high is a revelation of bliss and the choice to fly high on love is always available to us.

Re-imagining peace can do the same.

Shifting from Competition to Collaboration

I work for a company that designs and delivers strengths-based leadership development programs. What that often results in feedback from clients is a description of how our curriculum encouraged them to examine what was working in their management/leadership style and how they can utilize their strengths in new ways to improve ongoing challenges. I think one of the most powerful elements of the program is that we present a paradigm shift. A new way of thinking about their perception of the world based on what can be appreciated rather than focusing primarily on what is going wrong.

I was given a similar gift last weekend attending a seminar by Micheal and Ricki Beckwith. I’ve written about these powerful teachers before and am continually inspired by them. And although I’ve been listening to them for 15 years (!) I still find such depth and surprises in their soulful messages of song and word. One such message was around my paradigm of competition. I often find myself stuck in my desire for good in anything: love, money, gifted employment, creativity…and how that limits my belief that there is good left for others. Or, if others already have such wonderful experiences of some quality, it means there is less for me.

Take for example the recent realization that about 80% of my friends are partnered. Not all married, but nearly all are in serious long-term relationships. As I turned 30 just a few days ago, I reflected on how I was going to let this impact my desire for more love in my life, especially as I move towards single-hood again. After attending a recent party with my son as my date, I observed all the loving couples and frowned. I realized it bothered it more than I thought AND that my focusing on the absence of a partner made me more irritated that the partner was not yet here. But I SAY I don’t believe that a room full of loving couples means there is less likelihood of finding love for myself, but my reaction was one of competition: wanting to be one of those in the room as half of a loving couple!  I wish now I had heard Rev. Micheal’s words:

“Release the idea of competition, that the presence of good with someone else means less good for you. Goodness is omnipresent.”

The paradigm shift in that moment would have been to recognize the presence of appreciation, abundance, joy, peace, harmony swimming in the room. I could have considered how to deepen my display of parent-child love or friend-to-friend love which was also present in that moment.

Love was there waiting for me and I ignored it because I wanted it to look a certain way. But if I believe in the idea that goodness is everywhere-present, then I must also believe that it’s available in my life right now in more ways than I can imagine.

That’s what re-imagining peace is all about.

The Answer is You (and me)

Last night I went to see Rev. Micheal Beckwith speak and Ricki Byers Beckwith sing at the University of Maryland, an event sponsored by two local religious science churches in the area. The program was simple, just Rev. Micheal and Rickey B.B. and a piano. But it was powerful beyond words. Not so much because of what was said, or even the music, but because of who showed up in the room and the collective energy of ‘being in the spirit’.

Now, if you’ve never been to a Beckwith event, let me attempt to describe to you what it was like. Although such a thing is like trying to describe what wet feels like. I’ve been watching and listening to Ricki and Rev. Micheal for over eleven years. I don’t remember exactly why I started, hearing my mom play their cassette tapes around the house, I suppose. But there was a an immediate attraction to their message of unconditional love, being the change, and seeing the God-Presence in yourself as a divine gift to the planet. The speed and vocabulary that Rev. Micheal used would often be to too much for my 17 year-old mind, but as he sometimes jokes after sharing something too quickly to catch: “that was a seed I just planted in your subconscious!” In hindsight I realize that I didn’t understand intellectually what he was saying until years after listening to him on a weekly basis. Sometimes it really just takes time for the plant to bear fruit.

The event last night was beautifully simple: your capacity for greatness is much greater than you can imagine. Rev described how our desire to be accepted and loved often results in going along with the status quo. It shows up as emotional and intellectual conversions where we define ourselves by what the group thinks, not wanting to break out of that box in fear that we won’t be accepted. But what we are doing here, as spiritual beings having a human incarnation, is to have a spiritual conversion. To transform our perceptive to recognize what is going on beyond the physical realm we interact with, and begin to consciously touch that which is directing it all.

This was powerful to me through the story he shared about ancient alchemy. In order to change iron into gold, the alchemist needed to mix a little gold with the iron. It wasn’t until that small percentage of gold was present, that the dense vibration of the iron would shift to match that of the higher frequency of gold. In our lives, there is always a small piece of gold present. It’s those moments of indescribable joy, deep belly laughter, quiet mindfulness with nature, or the warm embrace of a loved one. In order to lessen the density of the iron (fear, doubt, worry) we need to increase the presence of love, joy, peace in our lives. We do this by practice (there’s no way around it). Practice loving by forgiving, practice appreciation by being grateful, practice peace by being still. Simple directions, yet often much more challenging to do in real life.

What I’m taking away from the event and the deep reconnection to my Spirit during the music was a recommitment to my spiritual practice and a new awareness that there is always something to be gratitude for. Just breathe that in and thank God for the breath you just took!