Certain Misery

It seems fitting that the final chapter I read from the Thought book today was about change. Or more specifically the idea that:

The certainty of misery is preferable to the misery of uncertainty.

It got me thinking about my upcoming move (for which I should be packing but instead felt the need to blog about this subject) and how comfortable I am with my current levels of certainty. I’m relocating to North Carolina (today) and have planned out most of the major details: housing, pre-school for my son, shifting into a full-time virtual work, etc.) but there are other details I’m not so sure I’m feeling excited about:

  • living with my dad again, a very cool guy, but still he IS my father…
  • moving to small town America (i.e. no Ethiopian or Thai restaurants)
  • Leaving my close community of friends and my siblings to intentionally be less social and more reflective…great for creative pursuits, not so great for the Inner Critic who has blamed external forces as the impediments of novel and song writing.

There is a part of me that has to admit that I’ve felt safe in my current certainty of misery. Even though I complain about the lack of this or that, I know what’s expected of me, I know how far I have to push myself to be good enough, I know how to play it safe.

Moving to a new city forces you to recognize some of these assumptions you’ve built up about yourself and your life. AND it presents the question: will I be the same in my new space or will I choose something new?

My youngest sister choose to recreate herself around a dream of Green Smoothies and just sent around a recent article as the first “press” she’s received about her new venture. As a big sister, I’m proud to the moon, and as a co-seeker I’m inspired to act in similar fashion. To continue to be my core self, and focus the shift onto my outward behaviour, so that my professional work is more of a reflection of my values, than of my need for financial certinity.

Perhaps a deeper peace lies among  deeper uncertainty.

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