His eyes glistened. His words radiated through the theater quickening my heart with their tonality of strength and raw vulnerability. For a moment, the actor on stage was replaced with a beautiful young man, connected to the deep energetic essence of who he truly was. This was no longer a portrayal of imagination. He was sharing truth. And it lit up my heart.
I leaned over to my friend in the seat next to me and whispered, “I’m going to prom with that boy.”
With the dance only a few weeks away, she arched her eyebrows and responded with, “Ummm, do you even know him?”
I answered simply, “I will.”
I was sixteen when I first began to consciously attract what I wanted to experience. This is the essence of manifesting. That spring I was introduced to Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsh, a trilogy that completely transformed my Christian upbringing and paradigm for viewing the world and my place in it. At the same time, the wisdom I recognized in CwG, was familiar, particularly the idea that God meant for life to feel good and for us to have what we desired. Heart-felt desire is the body’s alignment with the Soul’s intention. Desire can be utilized as a pendulum to gauge how to move forward. In the story I describe above, opening my heart to my future boyfriend and following that desire created a new trajectory of joy for my teen-age self. And yes, we had a fabulous time at Prom.
In the fifteen years since that day I’ve attracted many wonderful and thankfully fewer not so enjoyable experiences, people, financial situations and health status’. When I step back to review my life in this way I see the gift in each and every experience and I have to marvel at how genius Source/God/Spirit is to align everything so masterfully that I might grow and expand my understanding.
One area that I examine frequently is my love life.
Many of my beliefs started out defining love as romantic love because yea, I grew up on Disney movies and wanted a prince of my own. This limited definition of love has continued to hold a tight grip on my understanding and experience of love. My choice to believe that love was limited to its expression as romance or mothering was a reason many of my early love-relationships fizzled out. My choice to believe that love could withstand control and manipulation was one of the reasons my marriage dissolved. My choice to believe that love comes first from the outside and filters within was the reason it took me so long to finally get comfortable in my own skin.
Thankfully I’ve grown up and my ideas about love have grown up too. The progression of love I manifested into my life have mimicked my beliefs about love, including its limitations, its way of expression and its self-production. I’m finally at the point (on most days) where I feel a deep satisfaction for the quality of love in my life. Primarily, because I feel it from within. Yet every so often I yearn for the attachments I have to love appearing in a particular way:
So instead of giving these images so much attention, I’m learning to focus my manifestation energy on REAL LOVE.
- Appreciation of continual growth and expansion.
- Recognition that I’m on the planet to be more than a wife and mother.
- Acceptance that self-love is at its core about surrender. And surrender is about…
Trust in a universal mind that’s got my back. A consciousness that has already proven Itself a million times more effective in delivering me the good I most need at that exact moment. This is why love feels real when it’s about surrender rather than control. When it highlights vulnerability rather than manipulation. This is the type of love I’m manifesting into my life now. And it feels magnificent.
Yesterday, I came across (or was presented with) this video of Gabrielle Union sharing some of her journey to a similar awareness of self-love and manifesting a new way of being. I so rarely see actors be themselves, so was particularly amazed to see her vulnerability and the number of risks she takes to share her story. It influenced Oprah to have her on her show, which often correlates for me that it’s meaningful to listen to. I would love to hear your comments.
Lastly, I’m listing out some of my favorite books on the power of manifesting, in case it proves useful for your journey as well.
Life Visioning, Micheal Benard Beckwith
The Vortex, Ester & Jerry Hicks
Building Your Field of Dreams, Mary Morressy
Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity, Edwine Gaines