Life Murmurs

There’s really no excuse for not having posted here in almost two months.

No excuse.

Just Life.

Life being life and expressing as Life often does in ways that are unexpected, inescapable and totally all encompassing. But unlike the premise of that video about overusing cell phones there are times when levels of recording and capturing the moment are critical and fun even!sunglassesact-of-kindness2 big_laughter caputer_moments

…but other times attempts to capture just get in the way of experiencing the moment in its entirety.

Being in a Moment

For example, the other day I was sitting on the swing outside my house, drinking in a moment of vitamin D and butterfly watching, when I noticed a rustle in the bush next to me. As I peered into the hues of greens and browns my eyes begin to make out the presence of a long green snake, slowly twisting its way up towards a bunch of curled brown leaves, which I suspect had some snake-deliciousness within their curves. I watched the snake approach the leaves and stick its long pink tongue inside. Retracting the tongue it munched then turned to watch me as it chewed. At one point opening its mouth wide (which I really wanted to interpret as a smile, but I have no way of knowing if snakes exchange emotion or if that was simply the curvature of its mouth).

I sat there staring at this snake and then this Bruno Mars song played in my head, which made me laugh out loud. And no lie, the snake nodded its head, then turned back to the leaves. I laughed again, thought how amazing that would have been to post on Facebook and then shrugged realizing that it was more amazing to just experience.

But the desire to come back to this blog and share insights and questions about how peace shows up in everyday life only faded for awhile….now I’m back… with much ado about EVERYTHING!

BIG questions that murmur…

On a recent Super Soul Sunday, Oprah asked Maya Angelou if she had a favorite word, and Dr. Angelou replied, “Yes, I like the word ‘murmur.’ You can’t shout murmur, you have to murmur, murmur.”

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Lately I’ve been simmering on the topics of…

what it means to be human…

how we came to exist…

why I am here…

Yes those big existential questions that often blend the sources of how we derive answers which makes scientists uneasy and religious folks uncomfortable. I think that is because the complete answer isn’t found in science or religion, but in experience. And unlike science and religious debaters, experience murmurs.

It murmurs underneath the gratitude of a sick friend’s reception of your visit.

It murmurs behind a harvest moon at dawn.

It murmurs within the caress of a beloved.

It murmurs in between the million questions a four-year-old asks in the span of a day (and this is probably a low estimation).

It murmurs on the breeze of joy, the cramps of deep laughter and the curiosity upholding change.

Life murmurs.

And you can’t shout at Life. You just listen. And smile. And stare at the whole world for awhile.

Because it’s all kind of amazing. Just the way it is.

Purpose & Popsicles

Do you remember when you were a kid, how wonderful it was to eat a popsicle in the heat of the summer sun? Its yummy goodness dripping all over your hand. The race to lick every drop before it landed crushed on the ground. How it so easily smeared on EVERYTHING your face, your shirt, your shins (like really how is that possible??)

I think life is like a popsicle. Regardless of the flavor, joy and disappointment exists in its deliciousness. So no matter where you are, enjoy the rush, the excitement, mourn the loss of pieces that fall away and then look forward to the next mouth-full that reminds you of the abundance of it all.

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open to life

I wrote about a shift in willingness in my chapter of The Thought That Changed My Life Forever, and every now and then I have to remind myself of that decision to be willing and let go of my narcissistic urge to control and plan.

willingness for life

And while that’s all well and good Joe, I still struggle with it.

I want to be able to plan. It’s fun. But I also recognize that planning has it’s limits and the ways that the Universe unfolds is ALWAYS more amazing than anything I could have imagined.

So I play a game with myself. I allow myself to plan things that are small and mostly insignificant in my attachment to the outcome. But for the major goals: life partner, financial well-being, parenting decisions, etc, those belong in the realm of Spirit, b/c they’re just too damn complex for me to figure out AND feel good.

So now I can go dance and celebrate life, because I trust there is a Source out there supporting my highest and best intentions for my life. And because I’ve seen the result over and over, I grow more and more confident that this is the way Life is meant to be.

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Unexpected Change

This morning one of my favorite Adele songs came on the radio and seemed to speak to me in an entirely new way. Previously, I would get caught up in empathizing with her simple, but humble story that parting ways with a current love, didn’t mean that she would never find love again. And that belief helped her to be grateful and even appreciate the pain, enabling her to wish her former love all the best. I related with her about the pain of losing someone, of choices made to enable future growth, despite current heartache. Sadly (or not), it’s oh so familiar.

Today, I heard in Adele’s song, an anecdotal story of life. I fall in love with life so easily. Although more often than not, it’s my expectations about what life will bring me that I cherish. And every time it doesn’t happen as I plan, in essence unexpected change, its my attachment to that expectation that brings the suffering. My life is full of unexpected change at the moment. In health, relationships, employment, creative pursuits…and I realized that it is not the change itself that causes me pain, but more so that I am mourning the loss of a plan. The passing of an idea of how my life should look and feel right now. And it was only until the idea died, that I realized how attached I was to it.

So here I am, 4am on a weekday after weeks of restless nights and tearful days, a moment of clarity: I have a choice. I can continue to fantasize about how wonderful my plan was and what it would look like if it did come to fruition…

or simply let it go,

trusting that the qualities of that desire (joy, peace, balance, well-being….love) will manifest in other ways.