Heal My Self = Heal My Life

This message has been simmering for awhile, b/c it’s even more transparent than I usually am. If you are follow me, you know I don’t hesitate to show my scars, my mistakes and my issues. Yet obviously, there’s a cap on that public category of “Nina News.” Yet, I hear so much from your posts, comments and yes, even real face-to-face conversations I sometimes have with ya’ll, that I’m noticing this low-level anxiety about much of your life. And this goes not only for the Americans, though it’s certainly predominate in our culture. We’re so concerned about environmental degradation, health malfunction, job complaints, or family stress. I can no longer blame Facebook for being an amplifier of this collective negative story that life has us all victimized. FB is only reflecting back what we are thinking/talking/acting about.worried-earth-illustration-thumb8395865

So I wanted to offer one story from my life that helped to change the course of my thinking trajectory, consequentially impacting every single aspect of my life. And before you shrug off my note as more New Age mumbo jumbo and baseless “positive thinking” as irrational optimism, I invite you to consider that you are reading this because there is a part of you that KNOWS:

Life is supposed to feel good.

During the spring semester of my junior year of college I began to experience random muscular “shimmies” (as I called them) that would later be confirmed by an UVA neurologist as something far more serious than repurposed dance moves.  I would often lose my balance, drop things, or lose complete control of my arms, legs or neck when they occurred. The shimmies happened while driving, in the shower, during exams and once while on a staircase resulting in an ER visit due to a concussion (the first and only of my life). As a 22-year-old in great health, my doctors could find no other explanation other than “seizures associated with epilepsy.” I was ordered to take daily medications, my driver’s license was revoked and all plans I had for living abroad after graduation were postponed.

Nine months of self-pity, excess weight gain, and tittering alcohol abuse found me on a massage table, crying my eyes out to the “therapist” who was a family friend. She asked me one question that softly but powerfully turned down the victimization noise (for a moment): “What do you think your body was trying to tell you?”

Two reasons why this question was significant to me at that moment:

1)      It was the first time I considered that my identity may be separate from my body

2)      That my body could communicate with that “other” part of me

So who the hell was that “Other”??

In my quest to answer that question I discovered, rather quickly, that the answer was quite heavenly. As I continue to step forward into redefining my identity as a being beyond physical and intellectual capacity, I realized the lesson my body was attempting to have me pay attention to: Accept this. Forgive past behaviors. Choose Again.

My life had become a mirror of my self-inflicting anger. Accepting  my responsibility for my beliefs, forgiving myself of my momentary misunderstanding and then ACTING on a new thought became my guiding light. Once I stopped resisting, my body healed. I never had another seizer after that spring. And whenever there is something of high importance happening in my life that is in alignment with my new identity, my body responds with a softer shimmy.

I’m not sharing this story with you simply as inspiration, (though that’s cool, if that’s all you’re taking it as) but as an invitation to walk forward with me in new uncharted territory: Financial Healing.

Recently I had a break-through ah-ha moment just as powerful as that moment on the massage table. It was a perspective of money as abundant as the ocean. Envisioning my financial “being” as valuable and communicative as my physical body. In short, it was an invitation to accept a new thought about my relationship with money. And in the midst of pre-school tuition payments, student loans, and an employer in less than ideal financial standing, I recognize that now is a perfect time to take a new action based on this new thought.